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Monday, Dec. 31, 2001 - 9:24 p.m. - Good Bye 2001 (And Good Riddance)
I’ve heard quite a number of people say that they weren’t sad to say good bye to the year 2001 and I must admit my husband and I are in that group too. Granted, I can’t say the year hasn’t had it’s pleasant moments, even it’s really fun times, but our continuing fertility struggles and unemployed status sure has seemed to cloud our vision as we looked over this year. I suppose it is often human nature to review the past year and contemplate the future one on the cusp of the new year. I know I did so last year. Boy, when I read the last sentence in my entry from last year, I almost have to laugh. I’m afraid it didn’t exactly work out the way I had hoped. What stands out in my mind when I think of this year is : miscarriage, D&C, major surgery, getting laid off (after I got that nice hefty raise at the end of 2000), Michael getting laid off, 3 failed IUIs, and one failed IVF. However, when I actually look back over the year there were a few happy times as well such as David and Mali getting married, Vegas (even though we lost money and found out Michael was getting laid off while we were there), entertaining in our home, working in our own garden and the satisfaction we got from that, improving and beautifying our home, spending time with family, our trip to Virginia, carving pumpkins, and always, spending time with our nephews! Our hopes for 2002 are quite high. We figure the coming year has to be better than the one we just completed. Granted we could be wrong, but I don’t even want to think in those terms. Our foremost hopes for 2002 is that Michael finds a job that he even half-way enjoys and that pays enough for us to make due, and that this is the year we finally become parents or at least get pregnant and carry to term even if the baby isn’t born until 2003 -- just two simple things, that most people take for granted and which for us would mean the world. As for resolutions, I don’t tend to make any because I’m not great at keeping them, but I guess if I was hard press to come up with five (other than the obvious ones of getting a job and becoming parents) I guess I would say We are supposed to be going to our neighbor’s Black Tie party, but I must admit both Michael and I are not in the mood to go. I think we should at least make an appearance before the stroke of midnight and perhaps ring in the New Year with the neighbors, but right now we are both more inclined to sit in front of our nice, warm, toasty fire, eat some pepperoni pizza, play a game or start putting together the puzzle I bought for Christmas and throwing down a few stiff drinks. (Ok, so maybe not the drinks, I’m afraid I’m rather a wuss about stiff drinks, I just need one slightly strong drink to put me under the table so I usually take it slow. But I do think I’ll have a real alcoholic drink tonight for the first time in a long time!) As I was reading The Glass Lake by Maeve Binchy one sentence jumped out at me. It was “It’s not safe to know the future.” I couldn’t help but stop to think about those words. How true. As much as I would like to know sometimes whether or not I’ll ever have a child or two of my own, I’m not sure I really want to know what lies ahead in my future. I think I’ll just stick to reaching for the stars and believing in dreams come true.
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