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Thursday, Jan. 03, 2002 - 9:58 p.m. - Joy
Today was one of the longest days ever. In fact, I’m pretty sure someone someplace must have slowed down time, because it just crawled today. I’ve never lived through a longer, more anxious and nerve-wracking day! First of all, I couldn’t sleep last night. I woke up at around 4 am and lay awake until sometime after 6 am. I kept having to go to the bathroom and while I was at it, I kept checking to see if my boobs were still sore. Unfortunately for my mental health, they weren’t feeling as sore or as large as they had felt the day before which made me sure that my hcg level must be falling and I would be losing this pregnancy like the last one. I lay there for two hours near tears just saying over and over “Please let me keep this one. Please don’t take this one away from me.” Then I must have finally fallen asleep for a while, because I woke up when the alarm went off at 8:00 and could hardly drag myself from the bed because I was so tired. Of course, at the same time I was anxious to get to the RE and get the blood test done as soon as possible so that we would get our long awaited answer as soon as possible. I checked in at the RE’s office at 9:30 am on the dot and got called in to do the blood test at around 9:45 am. By 10:00 am I was back in my car and heading home. In an effort to keep myself busy and not worry too much about the results of the blood test, Michael and I started taking down all of our Christmas decorations and stripping the Christmas tree. Despite trying not to think about the test results, I couldn’t stop thinking, worrying and gradually almost panicking when first 1:00 pm came and went, then 2:00 pm. By this time I figured it had to be bad news and the nurse practitioner was consulting with the RE on my situation or something. Quite honestly I was near tears, I was so sure the result would be the same as last time – bad. Finally around 2:00 pm my phone rang and I jumped off the chair I was standing on to pick the ornaments off of the top of the tree and ran for the phone. False alarm. It was a dear friend of mine from Utah who was calling because she was dying to know the results and called to see what they were. At first I thought she was from the doctor’s office (can you say “one track mind”?) and it took me a moment to figure out who she was!!! Then I had to tell her that we hadn’t been told yet, but that I would call her as soon as we knew. Then Michael needed to use the phone to make some important calls he’d been waiting to make until we heard back from the doctor, but that he had to make soon before it grew too late. I was sure the Dr’s office would call just as he got on the phone and they never leave the information on your answering machine, which would mean calling back and waiting on hold forever. Fortunately though, the phone call came just as Michael hung up the phone. We each had a phone to our ears as we heard the most wonderful news! My hcg level had doubled just as it should. In fact, on Tuesday it was 149 and today it was 320!! I go in for one more blood test on Saturday and if all is well, we go in for our first ultrasound a week after that!!!! For the first time since Tuesday I was truly happy and excited. I know we still have a long way to go, and my pregnancy will be high risk the whole way with all my autoimmune issues, but today we celebrated!!! First Michael came tearing down the stairs and we just hugged each other like we would never let go. Then I just had to call someone in the family with the good news and we decided to call my SIL first and then Michael’s brother and his wife when we knew he would be home from work and we could tell both of them at once. Of course, everyone was not only excited but totally surprised and thrilled. Michael’s brother’s wife was so excited she first just screamed and screamed in the phone and then she started crying and handed the phone back to BIL. Earlier in the day I had remembered where the card I wanted to give my parents was located and found it immediately. It has a picture of a little baby’s face on the front and the inside said “Congratulations on your newest reason to smile.” Underneath I wrote “Yes! That’s right! You are going to grandparents again!! Hope you don’t have any travel plans for September.” So this next task was to head over to my parents to spill the good news in person. We called my dad into the room and then gave them the card. My mom read it. Read it again. Looked at us. Read it again. Looked at us again and asked, “You mean? You mean?” Michael and I had the biggest shit-eating grins on our faces and said “Yup!” Then she said “how?” (all this time my dad just had this incredulous look on his face, like he wasn’t sure he was really getting all this) and I pointed at Michael accusatorily and said “He did it. It’s his fault!” I think it took a few more minutes for the surprise to sink in, then there were hugs and congratulations and tears all around. It was a wonderful moment and I was so caught up in it, I forgot to catch it on film like I had intended, but I don’t think any of us will ever forget it anyway. We then decided to go out to dinner to celebrate and for the first time since Tuesday I actually had an appetite. We went to one of my favorite restaurants (Scott’s Bar and Grill for any Seattleites out there reading this) and had a celebratory dinner and started “dreaming” of that far off day in September when our dreams just might become reality in the flesh! Dearest Readers, right now I’m just really happy. Sure I’m still nervous, but my worst fears did not come true today. Somehow I have a good feeling that our dreams might really be coming true this time. Now I just have to live though the wait for the results of my test on Saturday. (groan)
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