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Wednesday, Jan. 09, 2002 - 4:56 p.m. - Entering "Forbidden Land"
Yesterday and today my mom and I have entered into what I had previously always internally thought of as “forbidden land,” namely stores selling baby paraphernalia. Yesterday we hit Bellevue Square mall and went in pretty much any store that had children’s clothes or baby items and even scanned maternity stores, and today we hit the biggest of the “forbidden landmasses” Babies R Us. These places have become “forbidden lands” for me since getting my infertility diagnosis in June 2000. Before, I would eagerly look at baby stores or baby items in department stores and dream of the day I would one day have a reason to buy these items. After the infertility diagnosis, even going down the aisle at the grocery store where the baby items and diapers are, was avoided at particularly difficult times of the month. The Babies R Us near us was opened shortly after Michael and I got married, and I always told him each time we drove by it, that one day, when I was finally pregnant, I was going to go in. That store has been open and taunting me for over 2 years and I finally went in it today! Oh, my mom and I had fun looking at all the baby things and dreaming of the day we would get to go in and start making some purchases! That said, I do have to add however, that I’m still very nervous about celebrating this pregnancy too much just yet. I still keep saying “IF this pregnancy works…” and “IF we have the baby in September…” so I was still feeling more “detached” from the items I was looking at than I would have liked to have been being that I am finally pregnant. But it was still fun. It was fun to dream about the “ifs” of pregnancy like it is to dream about the “ifs” of winning the jackpot lotto. The fact that there was real hope that we would be shopping there one day, whether sooner or later, was a nice feeling. We didn’t buy anything today, but yesterday my mom bought me a little onesie with a ruffled collar (hope this one’s a girl or we’ll have to pass that on to a friend or something) and she ordered me the crib set I’ve had my eye on for at least a year since I saw it and fell in love with it since I’ve always known I wanted to decorate the nursery with a star theme. (She was afraid it would be discontinued if I waited too much longer.) I have a few misgivings about already buying the crib set out of fear of “jinxing” myself or something by buying something so soon for a pregnancy that is still so early, but my mom insisted. She’s having it sent to her house so that if should anything happen to this pregnancy, I won’t be receiving it at my home. My mom is dying to start buying things for us, so I hope for my sake as well as hers that everything goes well and we can provide my parents with another grandchild and make their dreams, as well as ours, come true. One thing both my mom and I don’t care for though, is the fact that all the strollers and car seats and baby swings and such are all such dark colors – navies, greens and browns. I like light colors for babies and so does my mom. About the only items that had nice ‘cheerful’ colors were the John Lennon Collection, which I must say we both really liked. The rest of today was full of nice surprises!! A dear, dear friend of mine who I met through my TTC discussion groups send me a bunch of wonderful books in the mail -- What To Expect When You’re Expecting, What To Eat When You’re Expecting, The Complete Book of Breastfeeding, and Chicken Soup for the Expectant Mother’s Soul!!! (I might add that she works for a publishing company.) Then I checked my email and found another dear, dear friend gave me the gift of 6 months of web hosting!!!!! I’m SO excited! I bought my domain name a few weeks back, but didn’t know where to start with buying and managing web hosting. Isn’t that a sweet thing to do??? Unfortunately, now I’m going to be relying on her to help me get it all set up and explain everything to me, since I’m such a dunce about html and web design! Hope she doesn’t rue the day she gave me this wonderful gift! She said it was because she was so sure that this little “peep” was here to stay!! You people overwhelm me! So tomorrow is another big step!!! Our first ultrasound. I’m not sure what we’ll see at this point since it is still so very early, but I’m hoping we won’t get any bad news. I’m still not feeling pregnant in the least, even the breast tenderness is not very great, so I worry about my hormone levels. I know that some women never have a lot of symptoms, but the lack of them is making me more nervous than I’d like. I’ll be sure to post tomorrow on the ultrasound findings!! Until then, thank you again for your emails and guestbook entries and good wishes. I always knew my readers were special, but I didn’t know just how wonderful they were until now!!! Hugs all around!
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