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Friday, Jan. 18, 2002 - 6:34 p.m. - I'm Pregnant!!!
I’m pregnant!!!! Did everyone hear me? I’m pregnant!!!!! After two long years of heartaches and hurdles and pills and surgeries and shots, I, Heidi, am pregnant!! Yes, I know I announced this fact on January 1st, and yet until today, when I saw a very tiny, barely visible flickering of a minuscule heart on the ultrasound monitor, I didn’t really believe it. I couldn’t believe it. I needed to see it with my own eyes. I needed proof that another living being had taken residence in my body. Proof that I was indeed pregnant.  To say I was anxious about this ultrasound would be an understatement. I haven’t been sleeping well or been able to concentrate on anything for the last week. I knew that this next ultrasound would be the clincher. I knew that we might not see a heartbeat today, but I also knew we should be able to see more than just the gestational sac like the last time. If we only saw the sac, I knew that that would verify if there were any issues with this pregnancy early on. My heart did stand still at first when we didn’t see anything during the first ‘sweep’ of the ultrasound wand. Only the cyst I have on my left ovary (I thought it was my right, but it is my left) popped into view right away (it’s twice the size of the actually pregnancy), but then we saw the sac and right away I saw that there was something IN the sac, and then we saw the little flicker of a tiny heart. It was very faint and hard to see since any slight movement of the ultrasound wand caused our Peep to disappear and reappear again, but I saw it and my mom saw it! And for the first time, I knew I was really pregnant! I am measuring slightly smaller than my expected ‘gestational age’ but only by 4 days (I’m expected to be at 6w5d based on last menstrual period, but measured 6w1d) and being that my cycles are not regular, it could very well have been that I ovulated later than a “normal” 28 day cycle. Considering I’ve never ovulated at all without the help of fertility drugs, a delay in ovulation does not surprise me. We will be better able to measure the fetus as it gets a little bigger and adjust my due date accordingly. This does not concern me at all at this point. It’s close enough not to worry me. In fact, I think I was almost expecting that. I didn’t think that I had a “normal” 28 day cycle. So for the moment my heart is at peace. No, actually it is rejoicing. I’m not as worried about my lack of symptoms now that I see things are developing normally despite their absence. Perhaps I’ll be one of those lucky women who never suffer any early pregnancy symptoms or perhaps I’ll be eating those words in a week or two. After all, if I’m only 6w1d, then it’s still possible it just hasn’t hit me yet. Either way, I’m pregnant! Wow! I’m finally pregnant!
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