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Sunday, Jan. 20, 2002 - 10:09 p.m. - Books and Insomnia
Yesterday I started reading We Were the Mulvaneys by Joyce Carol Oates and while I’m already on page 170, I’m having a really hard time getting interested in this book. I’ve heard that it is a “must read,” but unless someone can convince me to stick with it, I doubt I’m going to continue it. This is really unusual for me since once I start a book, I usually finish it even if it isn’t something I particularly enjoy, but I’m completely and utterly uninterested in what happens to this family. It’s just not a writing style that pulls me into it, nor do I find the characters very convincing or real. So if you think this book is a must read and that I need to stick with it, send me an email and state your case. In the meantime, I have a few other books sitting on my shelves to choose from. I decided to give The Bonesetter’s Daughter by Amy Tan a try and it has captured my interest in the first 12 pages versus the first 170 pages of Oates’ book. I’m not sure if this is a symptom of my pregnancy or not, but I have been suffering from insomnia since about the time I first found out about my pregnancy. At first I thought it was just my anxiety about the pregnancy that kept me awake from 4 or 5 am until 6 or 7 am, but since my last ultrasound I’ve been feeling much less anxious and yet I’m still waking up for hours early in the morning. It starts when I have to get up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and then I can’t seem to go back to sleep. Then if I stay in bed or return to bed later in the morning, I’ll usually fall asleep at around 7 and sleep until 9:30 am. I’m tired, but not overly tired like many women seem to be early in their pregnancies, but this insomnia is starting to get to me. Any ideas anyone? I’ve been wondering if it might have to do with the prednisone since it seems to have started around the time I started taking that again, and I think I read somewhere that it can cause sleep disturbances. Perhaps I’ll have to ask my Dr the next time I go in for my ultrasound. Like clockwork, the anxiety about the next ultrasound is already starting to return. It’s not as high as before last week, but I still have the hurdle to get past that the last time we saw a heartbeat also, and then the next week there wasn’t one anymore. So, I still have to fight against a bit of angst in regard to that, but generally I feel pretty good about things. I still just can’t take anything for granted with this pregnancy yet. I know I probably never will, but I am relaxing and enjoying it a little bit, but I’ll feel better when I’m at least past the first trimester. Still, I did buy a pregnancy journal and while I’m waiting for my next ultrasound to confirm a more likely due date (rather than my first predicted date of September 8, based on actually fetal size vs. last menstrual period) I’m “allowing” myself to look through the journal and actually think about and visualize where my little “Peep” is in it’s development. This is something I didn’t allow myself to do before out of fear of getting too hopeful about this pregnancy just to get hurt again in the end. So I’m feeling like I’m making progress. I want to enjoy this pregnancy. I don’t want to spend it worried all the time. I know some worry is to be expected, but this should also be a happy time. I’m making progress. Definitely.
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