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Tuesday, Feb. 26, 2002 - 7:28 p.m. - Swish Swish Swish
Today we got to hear that wonderful swish, swish, swish of our baby’s heartbeat!! Words can’t describe that wonderful, magical, amazing sound! I saw that sparkle in Michael’s eyes, the sparkle he gets when he feels touched by something, as the rhythmic swoosh of our baby’s heartbeat became clear on the Doppler. We held hands and grinned at each other. The grins haven’t left our faces yet!! It was a moment I will never forget. It was often a moment I thought I might never experience, which makes it all the sweeter! We did have a few moments, when I almost started to panic, when we couldn’t find the heartbeat. I know the nurse said it might take a few minutes, but as each second passed with nothing, I was worried my worst fear might have come true. It makes me wonder how women who get this far and further in their pregnancies deal with a miscarriage. I mean, I’ve dealt with an early miscarriage and it wasn’t easy, but losing a baby after seeing it moving on the ultrasound or hearing the heartbeat and starting to prepare for it, I can’t even imagine how hard that would be. I hope with all my heart I never have to experience that. I’m still so scared that my worst nightmares will come true yet – after all we’ve been through to get to where we are now, to lose our little one now would be completely devastating. So instead I’m not going to dwell on that anymore and simply try to think as positively as possible. For the most part we’ve shared our big news with friends and family now. There are still a few more people I want to let know and I look forward to sharing the news on the Kindred Spirits list perhaps after the Kindred Tea I have planned for March 16. (Anyone in the Seattle area want to attend?? It’s a lot of fun!) I’m also hoping to make a quick trip down to Portland next week. I’m looking forward to visiting with some friends I haven’t seen in much too long. I never mind driving down, but I’m not looking forward to the trip back. Why is it that it always seems twice as long on the way back from someplace than going? I swear the trip down to Portland never seems too long. I usually enjoy it (unless it rains the whole time, then it isn’t much fun); but coming back by the time I’ve been in the car for 2 hours, I’m ready to be home and I still have another hour and a half to go. Anyway, it will be fun. I’ve been wanting to go down since this last summer!! It’s long overdue! 
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