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Monday, Aug. 26, 2002 - 2:51 p.m. - Only One More Week
Only one more week until we meet our little Peep. That’s a pretty hard thing to believe. I go between wanting the time to pass quickly, to wanting time to slow down. There are still so many things I’d like to get done before I’ll be somewhat “limited” physically due to the c-section and also because the baby will require so much of my time. Yet, the feeling has not left me, that I’d like her out of me and “safe”. I still feel like my body is not the best place for her with all my “issues.” I don’t know why, since despite all my worrying, my pregnancy has gone extremely well, but it’s just knowing that there is always the risk of stillbirth until she is OUT. Granted, I realize then there are other risks like SIDS and who knows what all. I guess there is no “safe” time ever. As for my worries about her long bones in her arms, I’m feeling a bit better about that, though I still have my moments of worry and panic. I’ve received some very encouraging emails from people who either were told the same thing or who knew someone who was, and where it ended up being nothing at all. So, I’m holding those stories close to my heart. And thank you to those of you who wrote just to let me know they were thinking of us and keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. I hope you understand if I don’t write back to everyone. At this point responding to all my email is a lower priority and I think you all can understand that. After all, higher on my priority list is to get the laptop set up so that I can still write some journal entries and/or weblog entries while in the hospital. Not to mention post some pictures. If you are like me, I can never wait to see pictures of the new babies born to journalers. Today I did have a non-stress test, but for the first time the Peep was not very cooperative. It took poking and prodding and finally turning me on my left side to get some responses from her. While in the end everything looked fine, I can’t say that that made me feel particularly confident. I know I shouldn’t worry, since the night before she was doing some pretty good aerobics, but if she doesn’t start wiggling more today I know I’ll be a bit of a stress case. One of my biggest fears is to make it this far only to have something happen. It doesn’t help that I know two people personal who lost their babies this late in their pregnancies. Another one of those things I wish I’d never heard. Anyway, so I have one last NST (non-stress test) and one more OB exam on Thursday, then 3 short days later we go in for the c-section. We have to check in at the hospital at 6:00 am on September 2nd and get settled into our room and then be prepped for the surgery which is set to start at 8:00 am. Of course, Michael will be there and my mom is also going to come to be there during the surgery, though she doesn’t want to be in the OR. I’m hoping that if all goes well, the baby will stay with Michael in the OR until we go back to our room (no recovery room stay at this hospital, I will recover and be monitored in my labor/delivery suite. At that point I hope to already hold and begin breastfeeding (or trying to breastfeed) my little one. I just hope there aren’t any complications on either side, so that I can hold my little one as soon as possible. I think that is the one thing that bothers me most about doing a c-section, I always wanted to hold my baby from the moment it was born and laid on my stomach. I wanted to be the FIRST to hold my child. As it is, Michael will be the first, but I’ll be damned if I’m not the second one. I already told my mom that while I know she’ll be dying to hold her first granddaughter, that after Michael I want to be the first to hold her (with the exception of nurses or doctors). So we would like to have maybe a ˝ hour in our room together, just the three of us, before my mom comes in. At that point she is more than welcome and I know the picture taking will begin. My guestimate is that my mom will use up at least 4 rolls of film the first day (and we are talking 36 exposures each). Of course, Michael will also be taking pictures as soon as the Peep arrives marking those important milesones. Oh, I had my first dream about giving birth last night. Funny enough the baby just popped out after a few very non-painful or hard pushes. I remember trying to breastfeed right away and the funny part was that the baby was a boy, though I never checked his genitals to verify that. He just was. The thing is, we really do know for sure that this is a girl. The last ultrasound absolutely sealed that fact in all our minds and we have a perfect shot of her female genitalia for proof. But it was such a neat dream. The only thing was, when I woke up from my dream I really felt the need to make sure I’m completely packed and ready for the hospital today since in my dream I wasn’t ready. I don’t want to make that part of my dream a reality. I’m pretty sure I have everything, with just the minor exception of all my addresses (both email and snail mail) that I want to print out, as well as entertainment (CD’s, videos, books and/or magazines) I want to take along. Otherwise, I’m still doing great. I’m feeling tired today, despite the fact that I slept almost until 10:00 this morning. Then had to try to frantically get ready to get to my 11:00 am NST appointment. We had a fun but very busy weekend, with my cousin’s wedding on Saturday and a family reunion/party on Sunday. Add to that getting our house ready to “show off” to my dad’s sister who is here from Germany and cooking up 10 full slabs of baby back ribs for the party on Sunday and you’ve got a tired pregnant lady. Fortunately, my Thai SIL came down to join us for the party and the angel vacuumed the whole house!!!!! Not only that, but she’s cooking us dinner tonight AND is currently washing my car as I type this!!!!! I told her if she keeps doing this, she’ll make us look like American slave drivers. I also joked about her not wanting to come and visit anymore because she always gets put to work while she is here. Granted, that’s not true, she just DOES these things willingly because she wants to help, but still, it makes me feel bad. I think she comes third only to Michael and my mom about being excited about this baby though. She just can’t wait and can only talk about our little Peep. She just wants me to rest and put my feet up and eat!! Now who doesn’t love company like that??? Only one more week. Wow. It’s so hard to believe. Things that still need to get done before this little one arrives and changes our lives forever …. Things to do before the Peep arrives (not an any specific order) : • Thanks for reading, as always!!!
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